Retrograde
by E.Helena
Summary: COMPLETE: Five years. Strange how it could be so long ago and yet feel like only a few days. BA. WARNING: Ch 4 contains spoilers for Blind Spot and Siren Call. Skip it if you want, the story still works.
1. Chapter 1

Title: **Retrograde**

Author: E.Helena (formerly 'elfluvr')

Summary: Five years. Strange how it could be so long ago and yet feel like only a few days.

Setting: A/U – sometime after Season 6. If you must try to fit this into the timeline of my (elfluvr's) other stories, I guess it follows "After."

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Dick Wolf, René Balcer and the actors who bring them to life. No harm intended, no money made.

Archive: Fanfiction - anywhere else, just ask

Feedback: Please! It's always welcome

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Chapter 1 – **Retrograde**

Five years.

Strange how it could be so long ago and yet feel like only a few days. Stranger still that the feeling only hit her the moment she saw him.

From the relative seclusion of her booth, she considered the man at the end of the bar. He hadn't changed much. The short curls were almost totally gray and looked to be recently trimmed. The lines on his brow now stayed furrowed, whether or not he was frowning. A few more pounds padded his large, well-dressed frame, but he still looked like he had a permanent case of five-o'clock shadow. All of which only served to soften and enhance the eye-catching appearance of this still-handsome man.

It really wasn't fair that men became 'distinguished' as they aged, while women fought to maintain youth as their standard for beauty.

Even in the dim light of the bar, she could see that his eyes still held a dark intensity – intelligence still shone from their depths. And his smile – charming and boyish as ever.

The man was beguiling.

Deeply engrossed in conversation with the companion holding his rapt attention, he hadn't spotted her when they entered the bar. Tall, beautiful brunettes still seemed to be his weakness.

She looked from him to the door and back again, judging whether or not she could slip out of the bar unnoticed. But something tugged at her. Now that she had seen him, there was no way she could leave without saying hello – without hearing his voice respond.

As she walked toward them, her movement finally caught his attention from ten feet away. His eyes locked with hers and his speech froze mid-sentence. With his mouth wide-open, she couldn't help but smile at the sight. She'd always enjoyed the very few times she had been able to totally surprise him, and this was the best ever.

"Eames!"

A pang of something close to anguish ached near her heart at his use of her last name. She'd thought they were long past that five years ago.

"Hi, Bobby."

With her standing in front of him seated in a bar stool, they were eye-to-eye. Several seconds passed while neither moved nor spoke nor even breathed. Finally, he stood up to greet her and, after a few more awkward moments, he pulled her into his embrace.

Alex had to choke down the groan that rose in her throat. The familiar feel of him – the familiar smell of him – weakened her knees and she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. She allowed herself an ever-so-brief indulgence of closing her eyes and laying her head against his shoulder, pretending the past five years had never happened. Bobby's arms tightened around her for a moment and he rubbed his chin against her hair before she felt him begin to pull away. Swallowing hard, Alex reluctantly let him go.

"I can't believe you're here." Grinning, Bobby held her at arm's length by her shoulders, his eyes sweeping her from head to toe and back again. "Are you in town visiting your family?"

"No. I, uh…" she stammered, not sure exactly what she should tell him. "I'm back."

He released her shoulders and his hands dropped to his sides. Bobby tilted his head and looked at her in confusion.

"Chicago was…" at a loss for words, she simply shrugged. "I'm back."

"When?"

"About a month ago." Alex flinched at the flash of pain she saw in his eyes. "I meant to call, but…"

Bobby dropped his gaze to the floor and nodded.

Apparently tired of witnessing this reunion, tall-brunette cleared her throat. Bobby looked up to the source of the sound, and for a moment his eyes were blank before recognition dawned.

"I'm, uh…sorry," he reached out his hand to settle it on his companion's arm. "Leslie Stokes, this is Alex Eames. She was my partner when I worked at MCS."

"It's nice to meet you, Alex." It was said pleasantly enough, but Alex thought she detected something beneath the outward appearance. "MCS?" Leslie looked to Bobby with her question.

"Major Case Squad. It's a department in the NYPD."

"Oh…you're a cop?" Suddenly Leslie seemed to be okay with everything, as if Alex being a cop somehow removed her from the ranks of 'competition.'

The change in Leslie's mood left Alex feeling awkward and ill at ease. "Well, I should go…I didn't mean to intrude. I just wanted to say hello."

"No! You didn't…" Bobby let go of Leslie's arm and shoved his hands into his pants pockets. Looking inextricably and uncharacteristically shy, he gave Alex a small smile. "It's good to see you again."

"You too, Bobby." Alex let her eyes linger a few moments longer before mentally shaking herself and determining that she had to get out of there. "Leslie, it was nice meeting you." Alex now felt as if she'd made a huge mistake. She should have snuck out of there before she ever had the chance to hear his voice, smell his warm, familiar scent or feel his arms around her. "I'll see you around," she smiled then quickly turned to walk away, willing herself not to run as fast as she could out the door.

She'd made it to the sidewalk and was headed toward where she had parked her father's car when she heard him come after her.

"Eames!"

Closing her eyes and gritting her teeth, she took a deep breath to try and still her racing heart before turning to face him.

And there he was. Larger than life and in the light of day. Bobby Goren. The man who had been her partner at Major Case for more than six years. The man who had been her lover for less than six months. Her heart broke all over again and she realized then that her wounds had never really healed.

"I…I'd like to see you…get caught up," he sounded so tentative. So unlike Bobby. "Can I call you?"

Had she ever been able to deny him anything he asked? Before answering, Alex cleared her throat to make sure her voice still worked. "Sure," she said calmly. "I'm staying at my dad's."

Bobby looked mildly surprised, but didn't push it any further. "I'll, um…I'll call you."

"Okay."

He started walking back into the bar, but stopped after only a few steps and turned to her. "Alex…you look wonderful."

_That smile is going to kill me one day._ "You too, Bobby," she breathed.

_TBC…_

A/N – You have reader Cpt.Tina to thank for this story. She suggested a follow-up to my (elfluvr's) story _Dance Redux_ using the song "It's All Coming Back to Me Now." As I thought about the words to that song, this story sprang to life. I have absolutely no idea where it's going, so we'll all be surprised together!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - **Retrograde**

"Is everything okay, Alex? You've been awfully quiet tonight."

"I'm fine, Dad," she replied without much enthusiasm. Using her fork, Alex pushed a piece of meatloaf into her mashed potatoes then moved it back to its original spot on her plate. After her mom passed away last year, her father had eventually dug out her recipes and was faithfully trying to learn how to make a few of his favorite dishes. Alex had to give him credit, tonight's dinner was almost as good as mom's, judging by the few bites she had been able to swallow.

"You never were a good liar, Alex."

Abandoning the pretense of eating, she sighed and gave her father a small smile. "You know me too well." Alex bit her bottom lip and stalled before deciding she might as well tell him the truth. "I ran into Bobby today."

"Bobby Goren?" When Alex nodded, her father gave her a huge grin. "How is he?"

"He looked good."

"Didn't you talk to him?"

"Yeah, we talked."

"And?"

"He's doing good, Dad," Alex hesitated. She was surprised her father was so excited, although she supposed she should have expected it. He always did like Bobby. "He said he'd call."

The smile dropped from his face as he became suddenly serious. "Good. I hope he does," her father abruptly stood up from the table and picked up his plate. "You need to make things right with that man." His perceptive eyes studied her intently before he turned to walk into the kitchen.

Alex sighed again and speared the piece of meatloaf. Halfway to her mouth, she realized there was no way she could swallow any more food. Dropping her fork onto the plate, she picked up her wine glass instead and drained it.

_You need to make things right with that man_. Did he think she didn't know that?

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"Now who would be calling this late?" Her father sounded annoyed that someone would dare interrupt his favorite television show.

"Dad, it's only 8:00." Alex was mildly amused. She knew that during his last years on the job, her father had worked the early shift. To this day, even in retirement, he stayed on a schedule of rising at 4:00 a.m., bed by 9:00.

Frowning at Alex, he reached for the phone handset on the table next to his overstuffed chair and pressed the call button. "Hello?" Her father immediately grinned. "Bobby! How are you?" Alex's heart tripped then hammered in her chest. Her eyes flew open wide as she turned to look at her father. Leaning forward, he grabbed the television remote and turned off the set. "It's been way too long. Alex told me she ran into to you today. She said you're looking good."

"Oh Christ," she groaned. _God, Dad…did you have to tell him that?_

"Hey!" He tilted the phone so he wasn't' speaking directly into the mouthpiece. "Watch your language in this house. You know your mother wouldn't approve."

_Great. Now Bobby heard her being scolded by her father like some wayward teenager._ This day was getting worse by the minute.

"Yeah, she's right here," her dad pulled himself up out of his chair. "Stop by sometime soon, Bobby. We'll have a couple of beers and get caught up." He paused as he listened to Bobby then smiled. "You too. Talk to you soon."

He covered the mouthpiece with his fingers as he handed the phone to Alex. "I'm going to take a shower and go to bed." Leaning down, her father kissed the top of her head. "Good night, baby."

"Night, Dad," she called after him as he retreated down the hallway. Waiting until his bedroom door was closed, Alex shot some nerve into her spine and finally raised the phone to her ear.

"Hi, Bobby."

"Hey, Alex. I, uh…I hope I'm not disturbing you…" his voice trailed off with that same tentative note she'd heard earlier in the day.

"Not at all. Although you may have to apologize to my dad since you interrupted his favorite show," Alex tried to joke and hoped her voice sounded a lot calmer than she felt.

She could almost hear Bobby smile into the phone before he responded. "Well, tell him I'm sorry…I'll make it up to him."

"And how would you propose to do that?"

"I, um…I could get you out of his hair for a couple of hours the rest of tonight."

Stunned, she wasn't sure how to respond. As the awkward silence dragged on, Bobby abandoned the teasing approach. "Alex, I'd like to see you again…tonight."

"Bobby, I…" Alex choked on words. She wasn't trying to be coy – she really didn't know what to say.

"I won't be able to sleep," he pleaded softly. "I need to see you."

She still hesitated. Alex hadn't expected to see him again so soon and she didn't know if she was prepared to talk with him – really talk with him.

"Let me come and pick you up. We'll…go somewhere…for a couple of drinks." Something in his voice was almost desperate.

"I don't know, Bobby…" she was about to decline when she heard a gust of breath, as if someone had punched him in the stomach. After a brief pause, Alex started again. "I don't know about drinks. How about coffee?"

"Yeah, anything," he quickly responded. "Coffee would be great."

"And you don't have to drive all the way out here. I'll meet you halfway." Alex quickly dredged up her knowledge of the New York geography and local joints. "How about Bailey's? Right there by the bridge."

"Yeah, I know the place," Bobby sounded relieved. "Okay…Bailey's it is."

"I'll see you there in about twenty minutes." It wasn't until Alex hung up the phone that the panic really set in.

_TBC…_

A/N – This is turning into A LOT of dialog, which I don't think is my usual writing style so this may just be total crap. Hard to tell from this side of the keyboard.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N – A huge **'Thank You!'** to everyone for the awesome reviews and encouragement!! It keeps a writer going :-)

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Chapter 3 - **Retrograde**

Bobby was just getting out of his car and she caught him in her headlights as she pulled into the parking lot at Bailey's. From the outside, it still seemed to be a nice place – one of those shiny, aluminum-clad diners that served good home-style cooking and even better coffee. He spotted her car and stood by the entrance waiting for her.

It was a chilly night and Alex tucked her hands in her jacket pockets as she walked toward him. He'd changed from his suit into jeans, a sweater, and a denim jacket. She'd always had a hard time deciding if she preferred suit-and-tie-Bobby, or casual-Bobby in his snug jeans. The man just looked good no matter what.

They were smiling nervously at one another and when she stopped to stand directly in front of him, Bobby's smile broke into a grin. Once again, he wrapped his arms around her and drew her into his warmth, only this time there was no pulling back. They stood that way for the longest time – Bobby rubbing his chin back and forth on the top of her head while Alex smoothed her hand along his back beneath his jacket. She sighed in contentment and Bobby quietly hummed in agreement.

"Thank you for coming," he murmured into her hair.

She smiled against his sweater. "My pleasure."

Finally, they drew apart to head into the diner. Bobby kept his hand at the small of her back as he held the door, escorted her in, and then followed her to an open booth – removing his hand only when it was time to sit down.

Their waitress, Mary according to the pin on her uniform, was quick to greet them. Bobby waved off the proffered menus. "Two coffees, please."

"Would you like a piece of pie with that? Lemon meringue is our specialty," Mary smiled warmly at Bobby.

"Uh…" he looked at Alex and she shrugged. "One slice, two forks. Thanks," he smiled back.

"You got it, handsome." Mary tucked her pen behind her ear and headed off behind the counter to get their coffees and pie.

Alex raised an eyebrow at him. "Still making conquests, I see."

Bobby ran his fingers through his hair in embarrassment then clasped his hands on the table in front of him. "She's just hoping for a big tip."

"Uh huh." Alex wasn't convinced. Sliding her jacket off her shoulders, she looked around the familiar diner. "This is still a nice place, huh?"

"Yeah. It's been a couple of years since I ate here, but the food was still good then."

Alex saw the waitress approaching with their order and a spark of mischief bloomed. She waited until Mary was about five feet behind Bobby's shoulder then leaned in close over the table.

"Bobby, you know it's your turn to have the kids this weekend." His eyes and mouth opened wide and Alex once again reveled in the element of surprise. "Bobby Junior and Charlie both have soccer games on Saturday and you never go anymore. And Kim and Cathy…well they just want to spend more time with you." She kept talking before he had a chance to question or protest, but when Mary came up beside them, Bobby smirked as he caught on to her game. "Since you left, they've been acting out and I just don't know what I'm going to do with them." Alex sat back in the booth and looked up at Mary as she placed her coffee in front of her. "Thank you," she said in a tired-sounding voice.

"Just let me know if you need anything," Mary nodded in sympathy at Alex then turned on her heel and left.

Bobby ducked his head to rub at the back of his neck and brought his eyes up to hers. "You're a wicked woman."

Alex chuckled and squirmed a little in her seat. "That was fun," she grinned. "Pass the sugar, please."

He shook his head in resignation before sliding the sugar toward her. "You still taking five packets?"

"No, I've cut down to four," she announced triumphantly. Grabbing four packets at once and shaking them to move the granules away from the seam, Alex knew the time had come for real conversation. "So, tell me…what's it like being a businessman?" She'd of course kept up with what was going on his life, just as she knew he occasionally asked around about her.

"It's…good. Different," he answered vaguely.

"Do you find it satisfying?"

"It's not…unsatisfying."

"That's not exactly the same thing."

"No. It's not the same thing," Bobby conceded. Recognizing a stall tactic when she saw one, Alex silently watched as Bobby picked up his coffee, blew on it and took a few sips before continuing. "I still miss the Department. You know how much I enjoyed the work, but…" He set his coffee cup in its saucer and again clasped his hands on the table before finally meeting her gaze. "I had two different partners in the first three years after you left but it was never the same. Jimmy knew I was…struggling. He'd had this idea all along that sometime after retirement he wanted to open his own security company. When he called me…I knew it was time for a change."

"Jimmy," Alex shook her head. "I can't ever think of him as anything other than Captain, or Deakins."

Bobby smiled. "It's taken two years, but I think I've finally gotten used to it." He lifted his cup to his mouth and looked at her over the rim. "So, what brings you back to New York?"

_Here we go._ Using her own stall tactic, Alex picked up her spoon and stirred her already blended coffee. Sighing, she placed the spoon back on the edge of the saucer. "It was time," she spoke to her coffee cup. "Actually, past time. I never intended to stay away so long. But all of a sudden, one year became five," Alex shrugged and looked up at him. "After mom passed away, I knew I needed to move back and be near my family. It just took a little time to put everything in order."

"I was sorry to hear about your mom."

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"Did you get to spend some time with her? To say good-bye?" _Ah, Bobby. Always the sensitive one, with exactly the right questions._

Alex nodded. "She had another stroke. I flew in." Her voice softened as her memories swirled. "We thought she might make it, but by the end of a week we knew we were going to lose her. We were all there just hours before she passed away, even the grandkids. She was awake and alert. It was a good day for her."

"Good." That one word spoke volumes. She knew Bobby understood.

"I…" Alex hesitated. This was all starting to hit raw nerves. "I thought you might be there that day…at her funeral. She thought the world of you, you know."

Bobby swallowed nervously and seemed to hesitate over what to say. "I was there," he said quietly. "At the cemetery." Alex thought that perhaps in that moment her heart actually stopped beating as her breath left her in a rush.

"I kept my distance and paid my respects after everyone left."

"Bobby…" she whispered. The image of him standing alone at her mother's graveside brought tears to her eyes.

"I, ah…I wasn't sure you'd want to see me. I didn't want to make it worse for you." Bobby reached across the table and took both her hands in his. "She was a wonderful woman, Alex. I had a lot of respect for her."

She could no longer hold back the tears that silently slipped from her eyes.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." He sounded upset himself as he squeezed her fingers.

This was getting to be too much. Alex felt as though she was choking on emotions. Whether Mary noticed she was crying or her timing was just right, she chose that moment to refill their cups. Alex pulled her hands from Bobby's and turned her face toward the window, swiping at the tears on her cheeks. She waited for the waitress to leave before facing back to Bobby.

"You know I moved to Chicago to get away from New York," her voice was tight and shaking. "I didn't leave _you_…not really. It just turned out that way." This was so hard to explain. "There was…too much at one time. Jo Gage, Wisnesky, your mom."

"My mom's cancer." Bobby looked down at his hands and splayed his fingers on the tabletop. "That was the final blow, wasn't it? I was so wrapped up in my loss. I wasn't there for you…when I should have been."

"No, Bobby…neither of us was there for the other. We were walking wounded with barely enough strength for ourselves. There was nothing left for another person."

"For months after, I kept thinking there was…something more I should have done," his eyes met hers and she couldn't remember ever seeing him so anguished. "Something more _we_ should have done. We just…let go."

"We were only making it worse for each other. We needed to let go, Bobby…to heal." Alex reached back across the table to take his hand in hers. "I could never have had this conversation with you five years ago."

He sighed and Alex wondered if it was possible to see acceptance and regret all at the same time in one person's eyes.

"And now you're back," Bobby again squeezed her fingers then pulled his hand from hers to pick up his coffee. "What are your plans?"

"I've applied at the Police Academy for an instructor position," Alex was relieved to talk about a less emotional topic – looking to the future instead of feeling the past. "Hopefully my experience at the Chicago Academy will help."

"And your background with NYPD," Bobby said emphatically. "You know, Jimmy will help you any way he can."

"I already gave them his name as a reference. I'm pretty confident, actually."

"You should be," he encouraged her with a nod. He was studying her and Alex wished she knew what it was he saw, what he was thinking. Giving her no further clue, Bobby finally picked up his fork to try the lemon meringue. "Mmm…good pie," he said around a mouthful.

"Yeah?" Alex picked up her own fork to try a bite of lemony sweetness. "Mmmm," she hummed in agreement and licked her lips before digging in for more.

"What are you doing this weekend?" Bobby asked out of the blue.

Swallowing her third bite, Alex reluctantly decided she shouldn't have any more calories and pushed the plate toward Bobby. "I have to start looking for my own place. Much as I'm happy to be back near my family, and I love my dad, I really don't want to live with him permanently."

"Need to be able to curse whenever you want?" Alex laughed hard and Bobby chuckled at her.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Tell you what," he put his fork down and pushed the empty plate to the edge of the table. "Working in the security business, I have some contacts. If I simplify your search by providing you with a list of places to check out, would you spend Saturday afternoon with me instead?"

A Saturday afternoon with Bobby. Just that morning she wasn't sure she'd ever see him again, let alone feel like a schoolgirl anxiously awaiting her first date. "I'd like tha-…" she began before a thought occurred to her. "Wait. Doing what?"

Bobby feigned hurt feelings. "Nothing to do with criminals or dead bodies."

"Not the library?"

"No."

"Doing what, then?" she demanded as she crossed her arms and leaned against the back of the booth. But they both knew she was only teasing. Alex didn't care what they did – they could visit the water treatment plant and she would be happy spending time with him.

"Well…I don't really know. But I'll think of something," he assured her with a smile. "What do you say?"

"Whatever it is, it better be good. I've been gone a long time."

_TBC…_


	4. Chapter 4

**WARNING: Spoilers for Blind Spot and Siren Call. If you don't want to know, I believe you can skip this chapter and go on to read the next (when it's published) without missing anything.**

Chapter 4 – **Retrograde**

As impossible as it seemed, Alex thought that perhaps her father was more excited about her Saturday afternoon with Bobby than she was. Her biggest fear was that he would do something totally embarrassing, like ask Bobby what his intentions were. If that happened, she just might have to move back to Chicago.

Her parents had found out about her relationship with Bobby during the aftermath of the whole Jo Gage ordeal. It wasn't anything she or Bobby told them. It became obvious in the way he cared for her in the days and weeks after – in the fact that almost every time they came to her house to check on her, Bobby was there, often times with an overnight bag sitting by the door. When he thought she was strong enough, her father spoke with her about it, hitting on every one of the dangers of becoming involved with your partner. But once he realized there was no changing his daughter's stubborn mind or heart, his best advice was to be discreet – and be careful.

They might have survived – gotten past her nightmares and his guilt – if the Wisnesky case hadn't come right on the heels of the violence of her kidnap. Nights when she was feeling particularly bitter, Alex couldn't help but blame him for pushing them further into their downward spiral. Bobby's inbred tendency to believe he should save the weak, and his instincts to internalize everything, came roaring ferociously to life. He was already blaming himself for not seeing Declan Gage's psychological abuse of his daughter, and beating himself up over her subsequent physical abuse of Alex. He now added Wisnesky's suicide to the mix.

For her part, Alex was hurt and angry that Bobby hadn't told her about his mother's illness. She only found out about it because he used it as a possible way to gain an alliance with Wisnesky. Even after she knew, he rarely discussed anything with her, saying only that his mother was a fighter and everything was fine. In her head, Alex knew he was trying to protect her. In her heart she felt he didn't trust her enough to take her into his confidence – didn't trust her to be strong enough to try and help him in the way he'd tried to help her. Alex bit down on her resentment and anger until Bobby finally couldn't take it any more and, in his frustration, shouted at her that she needed to 'Get over it!' Almost immediately, he was apologetic – agonized that he could lash out at her in that way. His remorse and her pain combined for their last night of true lovemaking.

It all went downhill from there. After that, there were a few sexual encounters, nothing more than physical releases used mainly as distractions from mental anguish.

As his mother's cancer progressed, Bobby withdrew further into himself. Worse, Alex let him. When they weren't arguing, they were indifferent – each allowing the other to lick their own wounds in undisturbed isolation.

Working together had become impossible – that was obvious not only to them, but to everyone around them. Bobby asked for an extended leave of absence to care for his mother in the final stages of her illness and Alex was assigned desk duty.

Frances Goren passed away three months after Wisnesky's suicide. Alex's relationship with Bobby had died a month earlier. When he returned to Major Case, Alex was already gone.

A friend of hers who had moved to Chicago years earlier had heard about Alex and Jo Gage. She called to tell her about an opening she knew of at the Chicago police academy and spoke excitedly about new beginnings and a change of scenery. Sometimes timing truly is everything and Alex thought perhaps there was a reason this came to her when it did. In the years after she moved to Chicago, during the nights she lay awake in the dark questioning her decision, she wondered if the true reason had been a test of her love for Bobby. If so, she had failed miserably.

And now, with their first meeting in five years behind them, Alex worried that in their eagerness to get reacquainted and put the pain aside, they had tried to gloss over their history. Bobby seemed willing to step right back into their old, familiar patterns – calling her at least once a day, even if just to say hello or tell her that he'd told 'Jimmy' she was back in town. Although she thrilled to hear his voice and anxiously anticipated his daily calls, in the back of her mind a small warning was whispering that they needed to go slowly – they needed to rebuild, not revert.

The whisper didn't stop her from going out and buying a new outfit for Saturday. It didn't stop her from taking extra care with her hair and make-up, or from using what she knew used to be Bobby's favorite perfume. And it didn't stop her heart from soaring when she heard her father answer the door at 11:55 a.m.

_TBC…_

A/N – I couldn't resist further examining their history. Why pass up an opportunity for some good angst? And…this story really didn't start out to be a post-ep for Blind Spot and Siren Call. It's what happens when you bog yourself down in a storyline with no way out.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – **Retrograde**

For at least the fifth time since leaving his apartment, Bobby worried that maybe he should have opted for something other than black jeans and a white button-down Oxford shirt. He hadn't told Alex what his plans were for this afternoon, mainly because he was still undecided. There was a time when he knew her almost as well as he knew himself. But now, all these years later, he wasn't sure what she might want to do…or what she might wear.

Bobby stood on the front porch and nervously rubbed his palms together as he waited for someone to answer the door. In the days leading up to this Saturday, his mind had barely stopped thinking about Alex long enough for him to get anything done. Several times that morning, he'd caught himself staring blankly at a wall as memories and fantasies conspired to take his mind off the task at hand. During the drive out here, he'd almost rear-ended someone and had managed to run right through a four-way stop intersection. _Yeah…'nervous' didn't even begin to cover it._

He still couldn't believe she was back in New York. After five years of separation – five years of wondering how she was and thinking that he might never see her again – she was here. Even more unbelievable was that they were going to spend the afternoon getting reacquainted.

They had traded phone calls for the first month or so after she moved to Chicago. Painful as it was, he'd needed to know that she was safe and, if not happy, at least settled. She was concerned about how he was coping with his mother's death, and seemed relieved to learn that he was spending a lot of time with a friend of his who worked as a grief counselor for the Department.

Although their phone calls eased his worry about her, they left him miserable for days. Giving in to pain and pride, the calls quickly diminished, and irregularly timed e-mails took their place. The e-mails gave way to cards exchanged at Christmas and on birthdays, augmented by an occasional postcard from some vacation or other. Last year's Christmas card was the last time he'd heard anything from Eames.

And now, the whole concept that he would have to 're-learn' her was both exciting and depressing. Maybe if he'd bothered to _stay_ acquainted with her five years ago, maybe if he hadn't been such a self-centered coward who let her slip away emotionally before she ever even considered leaving physically…well, maybe things would be very different today. He was confident he would have gone through with what he'd been planning before the Wisnesky case. They might now be looking forward to their fifth wedding anniversary instead of this awkward uncertainty.

The unrelenting question that had haunted him all these years skated through his mind in the second before John Eames opened the door. _How did I let it come to this?_

_TBC…_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 – **Retrograde**

The living room walls wore a new color. The easy chair that was solely John's domain had been reupholstered. The picture frames that were scattered on tabletops and bookshelves contained older versions of familiar faces, and there were two new grandchildren added to the mix. Other than that, the Eames' home looked much the same as the last time Bobby had seen it.

John, on the other hand, had aged. He still appeared to be fit and mentally alert, with a wide, welcoming smile for Bobby. But the man who was now in his early seventies looked his age. Because of an earlier stroke, Alex's mother had needed extra care in her final years and that alone would have taken its toll. Bobby could only guess what impact her death must have had. They were a loving, devoted couple. He'd always envied Eames her parents.

"Can I get you a beer, Bobby? You look like you could use something," John interrupted his musings.

"No…thanks," Bobby grinned at him. "I, uh…I better keep a clear head."

They heard Alex coming down the stairs and John leaned closer to Bobby so he could speak in a low voice. "Don't think too much, son. She wants you in her life and whatever the end result, it's got to be better than what you two have been through."

Bobby's head snapped up and his spine stiffened in stunned reaction to John's insight. He was still studying the older man curiously when Alex walked into the room.

"Everything okay?" she sounded concerned.

When he turned to look at her, Bobby couldn't answer. Yeah, sure…he'd seen her twice in one day earlier in the week. That day still hadn't prepared him for the déjà vu, heart-stopping moment of seeing her again in what had once been a familiar setting.

"Yeah, fine," he said absently. Eames looked incredible. He would swear she wasn't a day older. As a matter of fact, with her hair once-again cut to chin-length and a light fringe of bangs, Bobby thought she actually looked younger than when she left for Chicago.

One thing he could relax about was his choice of casual clothes. Alex wore a pair of charcoal gray cotton twill pants and a black v-neck, jersey-knit sweater. Not too casual, not too dressy – perfectly Eames.

As they stood there staring at one another like idiots, John's voice broke their daze – proving he was the only clear-headed person in the room. "So…what're our plans for today?"

"Wh-…what?" Alex looked at her dad.

He smiled and wrapped his arm around Alex's waist. "What are we doing today?" he looked eagerly at Bobby. "Where are you taking me?"

Bobby's eyebrows shot up and he turned to Eames whose mouth was gaping open while she gawked at her dad. As the awkward seconds passed in silence, John finally released Alex and rolled his eyes. "It was a joke!" he grumbled. Turning to walk toward the kitchen, he fired a final parting shot over his shoulder. "You two need to lighten up. Get the hell out of here and go have some fun."

Chuckling, Bobby shook his head and grinned at Alex who looked totally mortified. She closed her eyes and sighed. "What was I thinking?" she murmured.

"You were thinking you love your family and it was time to come home."

Alex slowly opened her eyes and just as slowly smiled at him. In that moment, all his suspicions were confirmed. He'd never stopped loving her. And he never would.

He cleared his throat and ran his hand through his hair, stalling as he tucked his emotions safely aside. "Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Starved!"

"Good. I was thinking about Tortelli's." Bobby knew Eames' favorite used to be Northern Italian cuisine, and Tortelli's was the best place for it. Squirreled away on a side street in Little Italy, she was the one who first dragged him there. At the times when he thought he could stand the memories, he still enjoyed dining in the small, quaint restaurant.

"It's still there?" she sounded surprised. "The food's still good?"

"I just ate there last month," and he was pleased to see how excited she was.

"Good idea, Goren," Eames grinned and headed for the front door. "What are we doing after lunch?" she asked as they stepped out onto the porch.

"After that…I thought I'd make the rest of the afternoon a little more, uh…interactive," Bobby answered mysteriously.

Alex stopped dead on the sidewalk and turned to give him a look that was oh-so-familiar.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Eames," he admonished with some difficulty.

_TBC…_


	7. Chapter 7

A/N - Another short chapter, but the end is in sight! Final chapter will be much longer.

Chapter 7 - **Retrograde**

"So, Eames. With all of Manhattan at your feet, what do you want to do?"

Bobby was leaning against the inner wall watching Alex revel in the view before her. It was a brilliantly clear day, with a blue sky and enough of a breeze to lift Alex's hair in front of her eyes. She stood at the outer rail of the observation deck on the 102nd floor of the Empire State Building, soaking in New York City at its most spectacular.

"You mean we can't just stay up here and enjoy the view?" She couldn't take her eyes off the City.

Lunch at Tortelli's had definitely been a good idea. More than good food and great wine, it had given Alex and Bobby some time to sit in a relaxed, familiar setting and get caught up with each other's lives. She told him about her position at the Chicago police academy and how, surprisingly, she liked her role as instructor. He pointed out to her how much she always enjoyed being right – an instructor position seemed a perfect fit for her. Alex glared at him and tried to decide if that was supposed to be a compliment. She couldn't figure out if she should be pissed or flattered. Bobby always did have the best poker face.

She was surprised to learn that Captain Ross still retained Bobby as a consultant for cases where he needed a profiler. She thought she'd kept up on pretty much all of the important facts of his life during the past five years, but that one had escaped her.

_'So, has Ross tried to talk you into coming back to MCS?'_

_'I think our current arrangement is a good fit for both of us.' _Bobby didn't seem bitter at all about his consultant status. Alex was happy to hear that he was keeping his hand in something he enjoyed and that kept his mind challenged.

"We _could_ stay up here …" Bobby sounded doubtful. "Look, there are lots of things we can do," he pushed away from the wall and walked over to stand beside her, basically ignoring the vista before him in true resident New Yorker style. "C'mon…let's…go to SoHo and hit all those funky Art Deco shops you used to like."

Alex considered the suggestion for a few seconds. "Nah," she wrinkled her nose in rejection.

"We could go to TKTS and see about getting tickets for a show…?" She shook her head at his suggestion and Bobby tried again. "One of the art museums?"

"So we can argue about what constitutes art?" Alex tore her eyes away from the view to look at Bobby who grinned back at her in remembrance. "Pass. Besides, this day is too incredible to waste it indoors."

He nodded in agreement and finally turned to join her in admiring the City. "How about we go the tourist route and head to the Statue of Liberty?"

"No…" Alex stepped away from the west-facing view and walked to the north side of the building. "I'm thinking the Park," she called back to him.

Bobby walked up beside her and they both looked out toward the large, green expanse that was Central Park. "Are you sure? There's not something else you want to do?"

"What could be better than people-watching in Central Park?"

He raised his hands in the air in a sign of surrender. "All right," he agreed before turning back toward the elevators.

Alex reluctantly walked away from the view to join him and a thought occurred to her. "There is something else." She figured now was as good a time as any to be demanding. "Is Rumplemeyer's still at the St. Moritz?"

His brow creased in confusion. "Yeah, it is…"

"They always had the best cheesecake in the City."

"Still have that sweet tooth, I see," Bobby grinned at her. "The Park and cheesecake it is." He pushed the call button for the elevator then turned to her. "You're a cheap date."

Alex gripped his elbow and looked up at him. "You can make it up to me another time," she teased.

Bobby dipped his head so his mouth was next to her ear "You got it," he murmured.

_TBC…_

A/N - Sadly, the St. Moritz Hotel and Rumplemeyer's no longer exist. But since I already made up Tortelli's and Bailey's, I figured...what the hell...


	8. Chapter 8

**ret·ro·grade** (rĕtʹrə-grād´) _adjective_

**1.**Moving or tending backward.  
**2.**Opposite to the usual order; inverted or reversed.  
**3.**Reverting to an earlier (sic) condition.  
**4.**_Archaic_. Opposed; contrary.

Chapter 8 – **Retrograde**

Bobby left his car parked in Midtown and they cabbed it to the Upper East Side, getting out near the Met and entering the Park on the path that led to Turtle Pond. From there they simply wandered, stopping every so often to watch a game of touch football, or smile wistfully at a laughing mother chasing her toddler up a grassy slope. They slowly made their way toward Central Park South and their ultimate destination of cheesecake at Rumplemeyer's.

Alex could no longer resist. It certainly didn't appear he was going to come out and tell her himself. "What does Leslie think about loaning you out for a Saturday afternoon?"

"Who?

"Leslie Stokes," she was surprised he needed a reminder. "Very tall…very beautiful…very brunette…"

"Oh, uh… that was business." Bobby squinted and focused his gaze on the horizon, not meeting Alex's eye. "The next time I saw her…that would have been personal."

"Would have been?" When he finally turned to look at her, Alex saw a well-remembered dark heat in his eyes and felt long-cold embers rekindle within her.

"I suddenly remembered I prefer blondes," he murmured in a deliciously low voice. She shivered with the memory of that low voice against her skin and the corner of his mouth quirked, reminding Alex of just how well he could read her.

Mercifully, he turned his attention back to the Park and Alex was once again able to breathe. "What about you? Leave any yearning hearts back in Chicago?"

_Short-lived reprieve._ Alex hesitated. "Maybe one," she shrugged. Bobby's steps slowed and it was Alex's turn to avert her gaze. As soon as she did it, she knew the action made her look guilty, but she wasn't ready. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see that he was watching her curiously and Alex abruptly changed the subject. "What about that list of apartments you promised me?"

"Oh, yeah…" Bobby stopped and reached into the back pocket of his jeans, removing a piece of folded-up notebook paper and handing it to her. Alex immediately recognized his left-handed scrawl. Looking around, she spotted a bench about ten paces ahead and gestured toward it before walking over to sit down.

Bobby joined her, sitting with one elbow perched on the arm of the bench and his other arm draped across the back, casually watching the people and activities around them.

Alex's heart sank as she quickly scanned the list. "You do realize that I'm looking to rent a place, not buy it?" Bobby chuckled, but Alex didn't think there was anything too funny. "God…is this really what rentals are going for these days?" she turned to face him and he nodded. She must have looked totally discouraged because Bobby took pity on her. He leaned close to pull the list from her hands, turned it over, and pointed to one address in particular.

"I happen to know the owner of this place. He's looking to sub-let for six months while he's temporarily in Europe with his job," Bobby handed the list back to her. "I could probably negotiate it down a little more for you."

Alex sighed. "Only six months? Then I'd have to move all my stuff again."

"That's the best part…it's fully-furnished," his voice was encouraging. "Put your furniture in storage for now, and you have six months for things to fall into place."

"Fall into place?" Alex cocked an eyebrow at him. "That sounds too easy."

Bobby grinned at her. "Yeah…well…think about it. Or let me know if you want me to find some other places for you."

Alex nodded as she considered the options in front of her. "I'll let you know." She gave him a small smile of thanks.

Still gripping the paper, she lowered her hands to her lap, sighed and relaxed into the back of the bench. _What could be better than people watching in Central Park?_ To her left were what appeared to be a father and pre-teen son throwing a frisbee. Directly in front of her and Bobby were a couple of kids – late teens, maybe early-twenties – lying on the grass and making out like there was no one else around. And walking slowly toward them on the path to their right was an elderly couple, holding hands. He said something to her and she smiled up at him. Alex found it comforting that love still burned, even at an advanced age.

"So, are you going to tell me about this yearning heart in Chicago?" Bobby's question put an end to her serenity and Alex looked down at the paper in her lap rather than face him. "Is he why you're back in New York?"

She ran her thumb back and forth over the edge of the paper as she thought about how to respond. _It's time, Alex._

"Bobby, I haven't been totally honest with you. I…didn't just happen to run into you that day in the bar." It took every ounce of her willpower to look up at him, but once she did, determination set in. _This is Bobby. You can tell him anything._ In an unconscious gesture, her chin tilted with confidence. "Deakins knew before you did that I was back in town. I called him that morning. He told me where you'd be."

Bobby's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why all the secrecy?"

"He didn't say anything because I asked him not to."

"Not him…you," he was starting to sound irritated. "If…you wanted to see me…why didn't you just call?"

_This is going to be harder than I thought. _"I didn't want to open any old wounds. Not unless I was sure…" Words failed her and Alex wished she had planned this better.

"Sure?" Bobby leaned in close and tilted his head, ensuring he could see into her eyes – see every nuance of emotion, whether or not she meant to reveal it. She knew his tactics. "Sure of what?" Filled with uncertainty, Alex hesitated. Bobby suddenly sat ramrod straight and there was a flash of pain in his eyes. "You're…you're not…sick, are you?" His voice was soft and concerned.

"No!" she gasped. _Shit._ "God, Bobby…I'm sorry. I'm not saying this very well…"

"Then what the hell is going on?" The irritation was starting to sound more like anger.

Alex swallowed hard, and included a dose of some guts with that lump in her throat. "That yearning heart in Chicago?" Bobby nodded. "He asked me to marry him."

His facial features went lax and his eyes blank as he stared at her. "You're getting married," Bobby stated in a flat voice.

"No…I'm not…"

"Christ, Eames!" He shot up off of the bench and paced a few steps before turning on her. "You're killing me here!"

She took a shaky breath. "Sit down, Bobby," she tried to coax him. "Please?"

Bobby ran his hand through his hair then flung himself onto the bench, pursing his lips as he looked at her with strained patience.

"Barry asked me to marry him after my mom died," Alex began calmly. _Get this out now, girl, or you'll never get another chance._ "I considered it…briefly. But I just couldn't say yes. In my head, Chicago was always temporary – it was where I lived, but New York was home, ya know?" She watched him, looking for a sign that he understood the feelings she was trying to express. Bobby gave her a brief nod and she was reassured to see that he was at least still listening to what she had to say. "Marrying Barry would have made Chicago…permanent. It would have meant giving up on New York and my life here. It would have meant giving up on…" her voice trailed off softly as her nerve started to leave her.

"Giving up on…" he prompted, and when she didn't continue, "Giving up on what?"

"There were too many things here that were unresolved." Alex hated the pleading tone in her voice. "I ran away five years ago…but that didn't settle anything."

"Giving up on what, Alex?" This time his voice was demanding.

"I knew…even before I saw you…" and she wished there was an easier way to do this. But then she realized that she'd already done the hard part – she'd left him and tried to make a life without him. There really was nothing left to lose. "I still love you, Bobby…" she whispered. When he didn't respond but just looked at her with an unfathomable expression in his eyes, Alex couldn't stop herself from rambling. "I know that I've hurt you… and…I know that you've gone on with your life …"

Bobby reached out to grab the paper from her hands, crumbled it and threw it to the ground. "Enough!" Once again he shot up from the bench, pacing restlessly in front of her. One hand scrubbed through his hair and gripped the back of his neck while the other clenched and unclenched at his side with nervous energy. Alex figured the safest thing to do was to stay quiet until he controlled himself. When he stopped in front of her and reached to grab her upper arms, she wasn't sure what to expect.

He yanked her to her feet and leaned in close. "Marry me, Alex," he ordered.

Breath gusted from her and Alex heard humming in her ears as fear, love, disbelief – all combined to muddle her brain and blur her thoughts. "Ah…" No words would form. No emotion would anchor her.

"I don't care what arguments you give me," Bobby's low voice was steady and his dark eyes bored into hers. "I don't care how many times you say no." Alex recognized this steely resolve. This was Bobby at his most convinced. This was Bobby when he was confident he was right. "I intend to marry you."

That got her attention. As stunned as she was, her brain recognized a threat to her independence when it heard one. Instinctively it leapt to defend her. "What are you going to do? Club me over the head and drag me into your cave?"

"If I have to!" and his grip tightened.

Several seconds passed as they stared at one another – each wanting dominance. And then, another corner of her brain spoke up. _Why are you fighting him, Alex? _She relaxed in his grip and Bobby felt it. His eyes softened and his hands moved from her upper arms to rest on her shoulders – his fingers softly massaging the tense muscles they found there.

"Alex, we've wasted too many years already," he sounded defeated. "Enough. I want what your parents had. And I want that with you."

"Bobby…" Alex started to explain.

"You can't say no." His fingers tightened on her shoulders.

"I'm not saying no," she raised her hands to rest them on top of his. "I'm saying not now," and she softly caressed the backs of his hands. He was about to protest, but Alex interrupted him. "Bobby, I don't have a job. I'm living with my dad. Half my stuff still hasn't arrived from Chicago…" She was getting to him – she could see it in his eyes. "I just got back. We need some time. And I need you to…"

"To what?" he gave her a teasing smirk. "'Woo' you?"

Alex grinned, took a step closer to him, and wrapped her arms around his waist. "You could at least pretend I need convincing," she tried her best to pout.

Bobby's left hand came up to span the side of her face and he tucked his thumb under her chin so he could tip her face upward. "You need convincing?" His voice was thick with emotion and Alex again saw the dark heat. The embers he had rekindled earlier now flared as his mouth drew closer to hers and she felt his breath warm against her skin. The last thing she saw were his eyes drifting shut before she closed her own and surrendered.

She ached at the first familiar touch of his lips sliding sensuously over hers. The sound of her whimper blending with the deep vibration of his moan was a nostalgic tune she'd almost forgotten. He ran his tongue lightly over her lips and Alex opened to the full power of Bobby's kiss. Mouth slanting over hers, he threaded one hand into her hair while his other arm wrapped around her waist to pull her body tight against his. His tongue slowly slid along hers and caressed the inside of her mouth as though trying to re-learn her contours. Bobby moaned again and Alex swallowed the sweet sensation along with his taste and her own yearning.

Perhaps realizing where they were, Bobby eased away from the kiss but held her close, panting against her hair. "I can't wait long," he croaked.

"You won't have to," she breathed. Alex leaned back to look up at him. "Call your friend with the sub-let."

Eyes still hooded and dark with passion, he smiled at her then groaned as he pulled her in for one more, quick kiss. "I love you," he murmured against her lips and Alex hummed with contentment.

Sighing, Bobby put a more respectable distance between their bodies. With his arms still loosely wrapped around her waist, he dipped his head to catch her full attention. "So…what do you want to do with the rest of your Saturday?"

Alex gave him a mischievous smile. "There's still the St. Moritz."

"Right…" Bobby nodded once. "Cheesecake." He released her but Alex grabbed his arm to get his attention.

"Goren," she said with a tone of long-suffering patience. "The St. Moritz _is_ a hotel."

---------------------------------------------------

As it turns out, the cheesecake from room service was even better than Rumplemeyer's. Or maybe it was just the way Bobby served it.

_End_

A/N – Melodrama, much?


End file.
